Salem's Lot
Now we didn't watch all of this. We picked up from about where we left off when we started watching it 3-4 years ago, and also stopped at some half way point. Truth be told, we just wanted to watch the bit where the kid's floating outside his brother's bedroom window, all pale, yellow-eyed and vampiric. You know, the bit that they riffed on in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Yeah, that one.
I have mixed attitudes to Stephen King. I must confess that I've never read any of his books, but I have seen a few of his films. Salem's Lot has a couple of really nice moments in a yawning ocean of tedium, wherein you have to suffer through endless replayings of Stephen King's ideas on ordinary Americans. Clichés and stereotypes that (apparently) permeate much of his work.
This is probably why we only watch snippets of it every three years or so. James Mason though, is quite effective as the complete bastard minder of the Big Bad.
Is it any good? For the very patient vampire fan and for Stephen King fanatics, yeah. For everyone else, it's better than valium.
2 Stars
The Last Exorcism
Since I threw caution to the wind and adopted a more atheistic bent in my life, I generally find devil movies to be a little silly. There are exceptions, but generally those exceptions are very, very good films.
The Last Exorcism starts out with a neat hook, that few others do. Our hero, Cotton Marcus (a riff on infamous witch hunter Cotton Mather?), is a former evangelist fire and brimstone PREEE-CHUH MAAAN. He also used to do exorcisms. So, most of the early part of the movie is spent with Cotton explaining that his heart's no longer in being a professional liar and ratbag, and showing us some of the neat tricks that the holy frauds use to gull the irredeemably stupid.
Neat.
Cotton decides to do one last exorcism, so wends his way down to the deep south for a meeting with demon-plagued innocent teen Ashley Sweetzer.
Well, of course one thing leads to another, and before you know she's up to her eyeballs in the devil greeblies. Stuff happens, there's a foretelling of the cast's death, and they all seem to come true, with a big twist revelation saved up for the last ten minutes.
I guess the thing for me about modern films, especially demon/haunting films, is that they make almost no sense. They're rarely explained in any clear sense, but heavily rely on some kind of invisible infrastructure which I'm sure made sense to the screenwriter, director and cast, but makes sweet F.A. of sense to me.
No exorcism has ever turned up anything that could not be explained by psychosis or fraudulent behaviour. The FBI did an intensive investigation into the satanic incest/kidnapping cult phenomena of the late 80's/early 90's and found... nothing. Each case revealed the same level of psychosis or outright lying. American Christians seem to want to be possessed and are prepared to lose their minds or lie to get the attention.
Is this film REALLY any good? Yeah, it is. The film, right up to the last ten minutes is actually quite engaging and more than a little creepy. The shock twist ending is a bullshit deus ex machina that cheapens the interplay of Ashley's seemingly real possession and Cotton's confirmed scepticism.
3 Stars
Lost Boys 3: The Thirst
'Cryyyy litttle sister! Thou shalt not...' Oh shit sorry, didn't see you there, lost in some deep nostalgia for an age when both Coreys were alive and hadn't been introduced to old Uncle Charlie. 'Lost Boys 3: The Thirst' is, I hope obviously, the second sequel to the vampire hit of the 80's 'The Lost Boys'.
Picking up from the boldly atrocious 'Lost Boys 2: The Tribe', Edgar Frog is still living in a trailer, and still quite interested in comics. He also still hunts down the undead. We get a good look at what happened to poor old Alan Frog (he's now a vamp, but trying to be good), and Sam apparently bit the dust in a vamp hunt, making Edgar persona non grata with Sam's mother Lucy, his brother Michael and ex-vamps - now part of the one big, happy family - Star and Laddie (I think that's right...).
Anyway, some guys are taking some weird drug which
Is it any good? Well, it's stupid, almost self-referentially so. AND it's a damn sight better than the smoking turkey that was Lost Boys 2 (which was only saved from oblivion by Tom Savini's brief appearance). Look one night, get some stocks of the old grown-up grape juice in, pour some healthy glasses and fire up the Frog Saga in one sitting. I think the drunker you are, the more these films can be enjoyed.
2 Stars
Okay, it's not really horror, I guess, or sci-fi really, or a standard opera, or...
Hell, I don't know just what in the f#ck Repo is, but I'm sneaking it in here for the gore and body horror links that would make Eli Roth throw his guts.
Repo: The Genetic Opera is an opera in film form, built to appeal to a modern sensibility. So, yeah no La Traviata or Marriage of Figaro here boys and girls, but rather RAWK! DRUGZ! BOOTZ! CORSETZ! GAW! GUTZ! and THAT GUY FROM BUFFY! I'm gonna go into a fair bit of detail on this one.
Repo is set in the near-ish future after a plague that caused organ failures to be pandemic. A company rises out of the carnage - GeneCo - headed up by the mean as a cut snake Rotti Largo. GeneCo can sell you organs, but can also repossess them if you fall behind in your payments. Enter the Repo Man, whose secret identity is Nathan Wallace, father of the main character, sickened teen Shiloh Wallace. Oh this is a twisted, sordid story indeed. To see how twisted and sordid, here's a bit of a character rundown;
- Shiloh Wallace: Played by Alexa Vega who was 20 at the time to Shiloh's 17. Shiloh's got a blood disease inherited from her mother who died giving birth to her. Her dad is Nathan Wallace. She hates her mother, feels stifled by her father, and is a big fan of Blind Mag.
- Rotti Largo: The evil pig head of GeneCo, and played by Paul Sorvino, actor and trained opera singer, who trained himself to overcome ASTHMA to sing. This guy must have stones of steel. May be known to some as the guy who played daddy Capulet in 'Romeo + Juliet'. Rotti has three kids - Luigi, Pavi and Amber - all human garbage in one form or another. He also poisoned Marni Wallace - Nathan's wife/Shiloh's mother - when she spurned him. What a bucket of crap this character is. Sorvino's got an awesome voice and big thumbs up for overcoming asthma.
- Nathan Wallace: Played by fangasm pin-up boy Anthony Head. Honestly, Repo Man, Frank N' Further, Rupert Giles, Headmaster Finch, Tony Head must be a total nerdgirl magnet. Jeez, he even turns my head! Anyway Nathan is secretly the Repo Man, collecting organs from live and unwilling customers for GeneCo. He is also victim to being overcome by a ruthless and cruel split personality he calls 'the monster'. He was made to think Marni's death was his fault, and was press-ganged into being a Repo Man by Rotti. Sucks to be him...
- Blind Mag: Played by light opera songstress Sarah Brightman. In her 50's, I must say that Brightman can still fill out a Goth corset quite pleasingly. Blind Mag was Marni's best friend. Rotti and GeneCo gave her new eyes, in return for a permanent contract as GeneCo's pet celebrity. You're seeing how this Rotti guy is a bit of a prick yeah? She's also Shiloh's godmother and was told by Nathan that Shiloh died when Marni did.
- Luigi, Pavi and Amber Sweet: Rotti's three grotesque, spoiled kids, played by (are you ready for this?) - Bill Moseley, Nivek Ogre and Paris Hilton. Yeah, I know right? Okay Bill Moseley, known for big roles and small in Texas Chainsaw Massacre II, House of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects and SO much more. He's a horror veteran pendejo! Nivek Ogre, who's mainly known as a muso, having worked with a few little bands, maybe you've heard of them - Skinny Puppy, Ministry, Revolting Cocks and KMFDM. Then there's dear old Paris who read the script for Repo while she was IN JAIL!! Awesome. All three kids - murderous Luigi, face-stealing narcissistic Pavi and surgery addict/drug addict/ho Amber want to take over GeneCo when daddy kicks the bucket.
Is it any good? F#ck yeah! Have you not been listening to me? Why are you still reading this? Run out now and buy a copy.
4 Stars (when I rein in my enthusiasm)
Is it horror? Well, it's definitely supernatural. It's got vampires and demons in it, so... shut up.
The missus and I tend to watch this episode when we've already had a few heavies under our belt. Why? Because it's a heap of fun and it's a perfect episode of the series in many ways - it ably continues the season's plot threads, it presents moments light, poignant and deeply dark and messed up, and it has one of the neatest gimmicks in a TV series EVAR. That's right, they sing. It's a musical episode. The singing is not just tacked on for no reason. Within the logic of the Buffyverse, it is worked in quite neatly - someone has summoned a demon that makes you sing and dance, revealing your deepest secrets, and you keep singing and dancing until you burn. The demon in question, Sweet, is still one of my favourite Buffyverse villains, only decisively beaten by Mayor Wilkins.
While not every cast member of BtVS is a song and dance professional, they all do their best. Tony Head (Giles) gets to show off his damned sexy singer-guy stuff, turning all the nerdgirls watching into a gooey mess (and probably a few of the nerdguys as well). Amber Benson (Tara) belts out a few good solid numbers, while series second bananas Nicholas Brendon (Xander), Emma Caulfield (Anya) and Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn) all get to show up the strengths they have. Fan favourite characters and series heroes are a bit more of a mixed bag. Sarah Michelle Gellar does the best she can for Buffy, but it's a bit patchy. Alyson Hannigan/Denisof (Willow) does her best to hide that she can't sing, and the very idea terrifies her, while James Marsters (Spike) delivers a number that remains the subject of internet memes to this day.
After some numbers both perky and sombre, it all comes to a head and secrets are revealed, leaving the characters all feeling like they've been sucker-punched.
Is it any good? If I were to list my top ten favourite episodes of the series, 'Once More With Feeling' would always be in there, along with 'Restless', 'The Body' and 'Hush'.
4 Stars
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